Yesterday I hung out with a guy in his late twenties at Kuya Tristan’s baby shower with his boyfriend Shaun and the whole family was charismatic and the guy Jason who only knew “Jo” and one other guy from his gym was a music producer and the only guy somewhat close to my age to talk to and he was cute. A gay baby shower isn’t something as common as it needs to be.

Oof. You and I… That needs to happen and happen soon.

It’s so bad. Almost three weeks no contact, but one snapchat from you is enough to get my heart racing, my breath quickening, and my hips yearning. The familiar pull is enough for me to start shaking. Fuck.

You tweeted about how pretty she was. You tweet other girls. We haven’t snapchatted or talked in weeks, but I still dream about you. Fuck you. Fuck me. Fuck the world. I want to kiss you. Fuck that.

These hurt because I know they’re not about me but I have to convince myself nonetheless.These hurt because I know they’re not about me but I have to convince myself nonetheless.
I had a dream about you today.

We were in the auditorium watching some act or whatever perform on stage. You Brad Tony and a bunch of other guys were in the front row, and I just happened to be sitting next to you. When the act ended, we all tried to stay for the second showing right after, but the guy checked the clipboard and told us we had to leave. But after Tony talked to him, the guy just told us to sit in the back row. The three of you were on the end, then Jill me and then Britney Laureno next to me, Daniella behind me, and my two older cousins on the other end of the row. Halfway through everyone started to leave. My two Kuyas and I walked out just before, walked out a silver door onto the road and bright sunlight. As we walked, I felt you touch my ass as you walked by and blushed. You half smiled at me, wearing your red Manchester United shirt and your hair all ruffled up. I kept walking with my cousins, while you and t and Brad lagged behind a little throwing something out in the dumpster. The place was huge, like a campus, where there was a giant field incased in a rough walkway and dormlike housing and lounge on the other side of the walkway. Eventually, my older cousins went to play football with some guys, and my little cousin Jason went to play with some of his friends on the right side. I went to look for you. When I found you in the mass of people, you were by yourself. We said hey, and I asked you How’s it Going? and you looked me up and down, pausing at my boobs, and you said well…. How do you think it’s going. And I responded “I know right, all these people and I’m just fine. Then…” And you laughed a bit and said “so is it okay if I get a little risky now” and I said “no wait there’s still people over there, why don’t we head over to the Sourcefed dorms and stuff and we can make out in the Sourcefed lounge, because no one we know goes to Sourcefed. And we walked over, holding hands. It was great, a nice green cottage like house with the Sourcefed logo on it. When you walked inside, there were a bunch of armchairs and couches and stools, with random students in them that we kicked out. We made out on the couch, you worked hard giving me hickeys all down my neck to my collarbone, where you lightly bit and pulled. As soon as things started heating up, I woke up.

Every time you say “you know you want to” I say no, but I think I mean yes.

7.7.7.
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You feel comfortable asking for pics, I don’t even feel comfortable texting you first.