I’ll start with you, the first one I’m writing and the first one on the list. I discovered your ask.fm about six or seven months ago, asking the question about how to politely reject a good friend of mine. (Kenny caught me on my first try, calling me out for asking you for advice. He and all my friends almost always know when it’s me haha) Since then, every few days or weeks I would stop in and talk to you about the most random things; cameras, music, you. We talked a lot about you. I began to form this image of you being this intellectual, talented, sympathetic person. I wanted to know you, I wanted to meet you. I still remember the first day we met, and spoke in real life. You came into my ap stats class one day with a precalculus test. We were taking some type of political compass test, I remember being distracted because here you were, my internet therapist who I confided my family problems and abusive father to. Kenny introduced us, (for the first time of many times he introduced us, i might add), and you looked stressed taking that test. I would talk to you more times than I’d like to admit on ask.fm. You liked similar music, you played similar video games and watched the creatures and achievement hunter, and you were a cool person to talk to. But I grew attached to someone who didn’t know who I was. I grew attached, and I never let myself grow attached. Then this year happened, and you’re friends with some of my friends (not only juniors, but ish and arron too who live in my neighborhood). May I say, you’re much better looking in real life than your ask is. I loved talking to you, but every time I try to say words in real life to you, my tongue gets twisted. There are times youd say something and I think I made noises, not words. I still want to go back in time and kick myself. My friends all teased me because they think I have the biggest crush on you. You have no idea. I don’t mind, and I love them for it. But take a ride on our after school bus one day or walk around with them, and you’ll see. Maybe. I don’t know if I was in love with you. It’s way too much for me, someone who didn’t believe that she could ever be in a relationship. (I guess we’ll never know.) But I loved idea of you. You’re intelligent, you’re talented, your life is all figured out and you’re going to go on to be an absolutely fantastic psychiatrist or (if you wanted) a politician. Idk man, you could absolutely do anything you wanted. I think you’re the reason I stayed strong for so long. But your ask is closed. I was going to text you for the longest time about my problems, but it’s just different and I don’t want to bother you. Every time I texted you, I felt like I was bothering you and lost all courage I had. I always picked the worst times. I was going to tell you how I felt about you and how I admire you, but you read the letter. That letter was written at 3-4 in the morning while I was mid-rant about my family. I know you follow me on tumblr, but I don’t know if you have seen my tags page. You might find yourself in that tag. alyalybee.tumblr.com/tags . I wish you the best. I hope you kick depressions ass, because it definitely kicked mine.
The President of the AV Club,