We were in physics and Karl comes up and tells me he needs my new number. I write it down and give it to him, and he writes back on that paper, “You have small boobs Ms. Piss-Pants” and throws it at me. And then he’s showing his phone to me and the video of me is showing. I’m flipping out at him and he’s laughing. The whole period becomes me chasing him and racing to delete this video and Brad is just lost and questioning. So I finally get to him and as I’m deleting the video he’s grabbing my ass and stuff and I’m on edge. Apparently it didn’t delete it and then he sent me screenshots. Brad was in the dark still and the poor guy spent all of today asking karl what he was keeping from him. Karl and I went home and sexted for a few hours and whatever. We make plans like how he’s getting to my house and wondering if one of us should buy condoms. Then like nine o’clock he texts me saying that “we need to talk.” Which is never good, but I’m wondering because like we aren’t in a relationship. He says he wants to end everything and I’m… Surprisingly okay. I’ve played out this situation so many times in my head that when this actually happened… I was okay with it. I’m not sure what this means. Here’s a guy who basically controlled a good portion of my life, and when he wants to stop I don’t really feel…. Anything. I told him he could tell Brad. I said it probably won’t be awkward. I was as cool as I could possibly be about it. But the strange thing is, I’m genuinely okay. Idk if this is set in stone. Mine certainly wasn’t. But we’ll find out, I guess.
And we are back to doing this. That didn’t take long. How? Dunno. Why? Bc I’m a really fucking needy bitch and I could use the confidence booster I guess. After twoish weeks of nothing I’m super happy. I even pitched the idea of possibly hanging out. But a lot can change in two and a half weeks. A lot.
Feelings in flux. I might like you. I might like Brad. I might like Bryan. I don’t. I can’t. Help. Brad gives me butterflies. But he’s in a super intense relationship where I’d have to surgically remove her. Or as Jill said, “the only way he’s going to be single is if he accidentally swallows her in one of their intense make out sessions.” When he mentions them being sexually active it makes me jealous. And then there’s Karl. Who’s Sarah? Why is he always twirling her necklace around? Why am I jealous? Can I calm down please? And then there’s Tim. Poor guy. I hope I’m not leading him on. Ugh. I hate guys.
I’m over you. I can’t believe it. I don’t have any butterflies. We don’t flirt. We haven’t talked about our… Situation… since I sent you that video. And I’m over you.
Am I being greedy? I want both. A cute boyfriend and a sexy guy friend. But I have two different guys for those two different purposes. So why do I feel like there’s something missing?
There is. The love aspect. I can do cute couple things with one and hook up with the other, but I don’t love either of them. But I’m sixteen. I don’t know what love even is yet. Hopefully along the way, I’ll figure it out.
I’m sitting here and all I’m wondering is if I want more. It’s fantastic and I adore this. But do I want more? More than wondering when our next hook up will be. More than wondering when the next time we’ll need each other is. More than a friend with benefits. More than this.
It’s like you hardly know me today, but yesterday you were almost solely focused on my sexuality and sex appeal and just me. I guess those are the terms of this, what’s going on here. I’m okay with this. I think. It just would’ve been nice to know. It’s the beauty of this that we can’t be like always with one another yet we can go do things like in the research room yesterday. There was a brief instance when you looked at me and we made eye contact and you looked almost like you were looking through me. I flicked my eyebrows up at you and you kept staring like your mind was millions of miles away. I’d give anything to know what you were thinking about just then. I then left that room. If I’d stayed I’d have done something I’d regret.
Karl and I did something. I wasn’t sure whether or not we would be even friendly, after what happened on Wednesday. But something happened. We had been joking a lot today. We were in physics and I was wearing my red crop top like shirt. It hit just around the belly button and it was a bit short for me, so I’d gotten some comments on it from my guy friends. Kenny asked me where the other half of my shirt went. Karl called me a hooker a couple times and apparently I must because a bunch of people agreed. He was making fun of my bisexuality as he does, making jokes about how I was going to Hell and everything. We were flirting again. He threw tennis balls at my ass, and joked around. He started saying “yo box her out box her out” and basically twerking pressed up against my ass. I knew what he was trying to do, and let it happen for a few seconds before pushing him off. Then I saw him while we were going to english honor society, and he was continuing his slut-shame in an attempt to make me slap him. I was trying hard not to slap him. At one point he asked me something and I told him to piss off and he was like “Piss? Yeah, piss,” with thumbs up. At the end of the meeting he asked if I was going to science research and I said that I would so he came too. We were just talking about how he never told anyone and how he wanted to know more about me sexual history when I went to grab something from the boxes in the back. We were hidden behind the plants and shelves, but mrs. Lotr and a few other students were at the lab tables only yards away. Karl came up right behind me and I felt a hand cup my butt. I brought the box to the other table and came back, unsure of what exactly happened, and I felt it again, even stronger. Karls hand was definitely on my ass. He gripped it for a second and I leaned into it. I brought another box to the other table and came back and this time he was in control. He swung me around and grabbed my ass, and after a few seconds I felt him grab my boobs. He would work his way from one to another, from my ass to my boobs and back, and I leaned into his lap and his head was on my neck, heavy breathing in my ear. I wasn’t sure where to put my hands and I was so self conscious of the fact that mrs lohr and a few others were right near us. The door opened and Tony came in and I got off Karls lap. He tried to get Karl to leave but Karl arranged so Tony would leave and get gas and food and come back, and he said that he’d “rather hang out with Alyssa than hang out there alone.” So Tony said he’d come back and when he left I went back to Karls lap and sat on it. His hands went back to grabbing. He slipped his fingers into my pants and began to play as he guided my hand to his cock. My head rolled back and my hand grabbed just a bit, and for a few minutes it was just the two of us making very sexy breathing sounds. He stopped once as a girl went to grab something from the shelf then went back. He’s so good at it. I’ve hit the bases backwards, from third to second in a matter of minutes. I just want to kiss him. He whispered in my ear that I’m so hot. I didn’t do anything but lean towards him and hold his cock. Next time. But he seemed unfazed. He had such a serious look on his face that was unreadable. A few minutes after the bell rang I was like Karl I have to go. He was like “just nonchalantly bend down and lick it” and I was like “no, I really really have to go,” and we spent the whole walk over talking about what just happened. If I would send him that video. I’m in a bit of a dilemma now bc I feel like I owe him. He’s good at what he did, and I want to do that again.
I did send him that video. He was so turned on that after I sent it, we went back and forth for a little while just texting. Then he asked for nudes and I said I had no time but he said just once so I flashed him and he came. It was so hot though.